CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sometimes when I reflect back on
all the beer I drink I feel shamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the
brewery
and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer,
they
might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then
I say to
myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their
dreams come
true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake
up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank
Sinatra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking,
I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a
case. Coincidence? I think not." ~
Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When
we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to
heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history
of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE
3000 B.C.!!!
~ "Unknown"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I"! before "E",
except in Budweiser.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation
in a can!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained
by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory
to his
buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can
only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is
the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing
of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only
operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol,
as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest
and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of
beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and
more
efficient machine. ! That's why you always feel smarter after
a few
beers."
